I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Is Oprah even human
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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