Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
