I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
