im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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