If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
