I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
