mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
