Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
