every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
third nipple confirmed
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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