Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
