I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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