The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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