I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
