he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
