She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
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