I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
and you fell through a lawn chair
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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