I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
