Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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