I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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