Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
