I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
