I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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