i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
