Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
why do cheetos always look like penises
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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