It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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