My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
