stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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