Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Randomize