my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
