come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
