they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
