how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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