There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
