you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
vagina is talking i cant
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
