He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
