I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
