He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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