i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
