I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
