Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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