best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
