Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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