I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
