I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
