Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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