Joe is yelling at the trees again.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
