I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
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I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
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yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
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