foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
