She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
