I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
