I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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