Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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