I hate your face
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
