when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize
