My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
