btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
