Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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