youre lurking in front of me
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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