I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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