Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
