I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
