she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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