2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
My vagina just clenched in fear
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
