Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I wish you could order shots online.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
