I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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