he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
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We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
my poor anus
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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