im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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