I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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