I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
