Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
she smelled like a LAN party
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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