Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
