Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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