she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
