I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
