I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Randomize
