dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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