i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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