you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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