i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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