i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
