So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
