I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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