I wish they made helmets for livers.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
